Why "Intelligent Design" should be taught in public schools

Intelligent Design is a scientific alternative to the Theory of Evolution. Okay, so it doesn't involve any observable data that can be tested in a laboratory, and it wasn't conceived with any sort of scientific research. Okay, fine. How about this? It's a philosophy. One thing it isn't is a way to try to back-door Christianity into public school. Nope. No sir.

The pickle I'm eating right now is so complex, it must have been created by a superior being.

I'm too lazy to take my kids to church, so they have to learn Christian fundamentals somewhere. Wait, did I say that? No, it's a science, I mean, a philosophy. It has nothing to do with religion.

Using Intelligent Design, you can map out the world's eco system in order to find the location of the lost Ark of the Covenant.

New theory: All life evolved from a Jesus fish.

Because I ain't related to no monkeys, by gum.

To supplement new Intelligent Design classes, gym classes will now include cross-country cross-carrying and walking on water.

All Intelligent Design grades will be enforced by a Spanish Inquisition.